to my old man

i once despise him awfully, for he can't seem to release his anger on me, at any given time. i fear him nonetheless, for every bit of word voiced out of his mouth, those calm, cold and lucid sayings, is more than enough to set my heart in the guilt of a crime. he, whose great stories have amused me during my childhood, and still put me in awe today. he, whose wisdom has bring me back to reality every time i loosen my grip. he, whose credence has convey me this far, and still is most effective to induce my motivation. he, whose virtue never seems to decay, and has always train my lessons of life. he, who i look up upon, above everyone that i've known.

of his shadow, i am now living my life. of his philosophy, i put faith on what i believe in. of his trust, i build my experience. of his love, i stand here today, with the pride that i couldn't deny, a pride of being raised by one fine man. my true hero. my true idol.

happy birthday, yah.

stargazing

"can you read the stars?"
"what do you mean?"
"well, do you know what's that constellation?"
"i do know that that one is venus."
"that's easy, everybody knows it. how about that one?"
"that's a satellite."
"how do you know?"
"well, it's bright, it's blinking and still. there, that's another one."
"are you saying that the other stars are moving?"
"well,—"
"hey, is that a shooting star?"
"no, that's a plane, stupid."
"oh."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"can we wish upon the star?"
"it's a plane."

our heroes




fellow geeks, net-freaks and bloggers, meet the google guys.

i.e., our lifesavers.

i.e., the brains behind the arguably world's best search engine. the very people who could really make us travel all around the world while still feel at home by creating the closest thing the Web has to an ultimate answer machine. the computer-science geeks who transformed themselves into global superstars, named larry page and sergey brin. just recently they've made their way to be listed in Time magazine's 100 people who shaped our world, a list that credits people as ranging as john kerry to charlie kaufman to aung san suu kyi. earlier this year, along with fellow influential person j.k. rowling, they for the first time can refer themselves as two of the world's richest people, with their net $1.0 billion worth of fortune each, according to Forbes magazine. thanks to google.

some [did you know] on google:

• that the name google derived from the word googol. what's a googol? it's a word coined by the nephew of american mathematician edward kassner, milton siretta, to refer to the number represented by the numeral 1 followed by 100 zeros. in other words, a freakin' large number.


• that when larry and sergey knew each other for the first time at stanford in 1995, they weren't very fond to each other. a year later they created BackRub, the first version of today's google together.


• that google's first data center was larry's dorm room. a few months later they moved to a new location: a friend's garage. included inside were a washer, a dryer and a hot tub.


• that the first investment to google, a cheque worth $100,000, was sat in larry's drawer a couple of weeks before they finally deposited it. the reason was because when andy bechtolsheim, one of the founders of sun microsystems wrote the cheque, it was made out to Google Inc. and there was no such company. and that's the story of how the garage was transformed into an office in 1998.


• that the beta label came off the website in 1999, when they finally moved to googleplex.


• that people who work inside googleplex, i.e. the staff, refer themselves as googlers.


• that there's a big red rubber ball in the middle of their office.


• that one of their lunch menus includes Sweet Potato Jalapeno Bisque with corn, Warm Southern Chicken Salad tossed in a spicy buttermilk dressing with toasted pecans, corn, green onions and tomatoes, Grilled Petite New York Sirloins seasoned with Creole spices served with a Crescent City steak sauce and crispy organic onion rings, Roasted Organic Red Potatoes seasoned with New Mexico Chile powder, and Baileys Irish Cream Cheesecake.


• that they're doing no evil.


• that when you typed in 'search engine' in google, you won't see their own company as the first result. in fact, not even the first five results. errr... hello?


• that they too, have a blog! a prank one, that is.


• that for further facts you can go check them here.

related websites:

• try googlism. not until now had i know that emil is deaf, is now a superstar in hong kong, is very jealous of deniro's celebrity status and is convinced that anyone in america can do. oh, and i'm telling ernie my plan, too.


• try a9.com, the new search engine branded by amazon.com, powered by google. why is it cool? here's why.


• try gmail, the google mail, for if you are a blogger user, they're giving you the still-in-preview-mode 1 Gb email account a try. i've got mine.

where do i get all this information? only one answer for that: google.

this time last year

...i weighed 144 lbs (approx. 65 kg).

today i weigh 110 lbs (approx. 50 kg).

sometimes life can do cruel things to your body.

lost in translation

since i know i would be too tempted to go online if i stay at home yesterday, i went to one of my favorite coffee shops to study for my finals, as usual. after i bought myself a tall macchiato, i got a table near the window and started to get busy with my textbooks, lecture notes and study guides. it was fine for a while, until i realized that i was hearing at least 2 different languages spoken by people around me. they're not uncommon, it's just that they were very obvious and i couldn't help but notice. at the table besides mine, 2 middle-eastern-looking guys speaking in arabic, while at the 2 o'clock direction, 5 latin girls - were gossiping in spanish. boy, they were loud.

it was then when i also realized that the 2 girls at the table in front of me were speaking japanese. while one girl is obviously caucasian, she's learning some basic japanese with the should-be native japanese girl. this is funny, i thought. three very different languages in a row. and just then, i heard another people speaking japanese, who turned out to be a couple at my 5 o'clock direction. while at the table right behind me, 2 chinese girls and a guy speaking mandarin. i started to look across the room, and my, all i could see were just asian and latin people!

after half an hour or so, the two girls in front of me left the place and replaced by a couple, one middle-eastern guy and one either chinese or korean girl. they were both speaking in english (him fluent, her mediocre), although it was more like a one-way conversation for the guy. later another girl came to their place and greeted the girl using korean, and the mystery solved. meanwhile, the two arabs besides me were joined by another guy. and another guy. and another guy. couldn't it be any crowder?

as another half an hour or so passed by, the 5 spanish-speaking girls left, as well as the japanese couple across behind me. not so long afterward, 2 white girls got the table. they spoke in a bizzare language of which later i recognized as german. and, no i'm not making this up, to make things even better, the song that was playing was in french.

can somebody please tell me which country am i actually in?

technically unimportant

[1] according to wulan, google toolbar works well to block annoying pop-ups. it does. other advantages: vote for/against button, blog this page button, AutoFill option. wulan's warning: disable PageRank feature to prevent spyware. do not, i repeat, do not fill in your credit card number in the AutoFill feature.

[2] the last two days i've been receiving so far 5 email invitations from some of my friends to join zorpia. at first i just ignored them since the thing doesn't seem to be important. but as more people invited me, i tried to join, and guess what? it is nggak penting. in a nutshell, it's a combination of an online photo storage (e.g. fotki, yahoo! photos, buzznet), online journal/blog (e.g. blogger, tblog, xanga) and online social networking (e.g. friendster, foaf, huminity). how thoughtful.

___________________________________

update: while more people have added me to their zorpia friends list, another friend me sent me one to join hi5. just for the hell of it, i joined in and found out at least 4 of my friends have already joined the social network. oh cummon... how many online social networking do you actually need, people??

the one where everyone's surprised

i was just coming back from chapters downtown when i got in the house and went straight to the kitchen. scott, my landlord, was busy cooking dinner and didn't see me coming. i managed to mutter "how's it goin'?" although he didn't seem to notice, and opened the fridge to drink orange juice straight from the box.
a few seconds later he turned his back and,

him: HHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! (with a totally surprised look and threw the spoon that he's holding towards me)
me: (spurting the juice) HHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! (panick syndrome)
him: HAAAAAA!!!!! JESUS!!!!! what are you doing here?? (still surprised)
me: HAAAAAA!!!!! what the hell is wrong with you???
both: HAHAHAHAHAHA.... (this one's laughing)

later at night, when he was about to sleep, we passed each other down the hallway.

him: (smiling) now don't you try to surprise me again...
me: heheh, i won't, don't worry about it (grin)
him: ok..

apparently, sam, one of our cats was down the hallway too, and i accidentally stepped on his tail,

cat: MIAOW!!!
me: HHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! (freaked out and ended up kicking the closet)
him: HHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! (jumped few paces away and hit the wall)
me: HHAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA..... (half screaming and half laughing)
him: JESUS!!! emil you scared the shit out of me!!!!
me: HAHAHAHAHAHA (just couldn't stop laughing)

now tell me, there really should be something in the water or what? what else could explain this 'dodol' thing happened twice?

delicate insanity

at times, when anger has started to disguise my soul, i look into the eyes of the person in front of me and imagine eating him. i would go for his left arm first, grab it and rip his biceps raw with my teeth. i would get a mouthful of his raw flesh, with shreds of it falling to the ground, blood-splattered. he would shriek in sheer agony while the dark red blood cascading from his arm, giving a peek at his white bone, almost tied by his translucently paling skin. before he even knew it, he would strive to run for his life but fizzle, and flop to the ground. i would rend the flesh chunk in my mouth, sucking every blood vessel in it dry. the blood would be so bitter, it almost tastes sweet.

at times, when rage has found its way to the tip of my head, i look into the eyes of the person in front of me and imagine killing him. no, i would persecute, torture, hunt him to death. spears, guns and knives. ropes, bats and whips. blades to slash his skin, while he's being tied to a rotten pole. honey smeared on his visible skin, sodium chloride soaked to the wounds scattered all over his body. ants marching from the ground, bald eagles patronizing at the sky. an electric chair to summon him up, while he's begging for mercy to go to hell faster.

at times, i really wish i could prevail my sensitivity and have the gut to do so. for at the end, i would only have the gut to do one thing: silence.

ost my life [part 4]

fyi, the list will go on and on. check for part one, part two, and part three.

61. the scene when there's something really inviting in the air: blue six - come inside

62. the scene when pain is deleted from my life dictionary: the real thing - rainin' through my sunshine

63. the scene when it's not september and i wonder why: ben folds - emaline (live)

64. the scene of me at the left back seat of a '95 starlet: the cardigans - carnival

65. the blank space scene: frente - bizzare love triangle

66. the scene when i'm ready for some groovin' night hype: archie shepp - blues for brother george jackson (mondo grosso next wave mix)

67. the scene when i know i'm right, no matter what: winston - long way from the wrong way

68. the scene when i feel like clapping my hand continuously: brooklyn funk essentials - the creator has a masterplan

69. the scene when i'm too bllind to hear: budapest - is this the best it gets

70. the scene when i'm in a deep trance: fantastic plastic machine - love is psychedelic (full spoken mix)

71. the scene when i just have enough: chemical brothers - one too many mornings

72. the scene when the bedroom is filled with ghosty feelings: the postal service - the district sleeps alone tonight

73. the scene when i'm alone while new year is approaching: club 8 - love in december

74. the ordinary, worthless, boring, simply plain ordinary kinda scene: day one - ordinary man

75. the scene of me checking what other people think of something: earth wind and fire - that's the way of the world

76. the scene when i can see beyond my girlfriend's eyes: gentle people - groovin' with you

77. the scene when i realize it's a jungle out there: gouryella - tenshi (mark moon remix)

78. the scene when suddenly i feel that the year is 1959: ella fitzgerald - slap that bass

79. the scene when the fool walks through my door: lenny kravitz - heaven help

80. the scene when i have a headache and need advil: four tet - as serious as your life

worn out

it's almost unbearable.
the dissent within.
how could i expect myself to enjoy a simple walk outside in a time like this?
not even by humming this song.
colors, sizes, shapes, which did matter a lot few days ago, are all now seem pointless.
like decade-old decors.

__________________________

update: or maybe not. maybe i could. :)

conversation of the day

her: mil, he proposed me.
me: (blank) say what now?
her: (big smile) i'm engaged!!!
me: you what? (in disbelief)
her: look at this!! (showing her engangement ring with pride)
me: (blinking) wow.. this is.. err.. you really are engaged...
her: i know!!!

*sigh*
wishing you the happiness that you've been longing for, fa. you guys are just perfect. bet you just can't wait 'til summer, eh? you have all the amunition you need, so don't be afraid of anything. and it's your dream. live it. :)