facts of the day

1. one of my professors can't spell.

2. i speak better english than one of my teaching assistants.

d-uh.

ost - my life [part 2]

this is the continuation of part one:

21. the scene when i'm at starfish glasswork watching the glass blowing process: massive attack - exchange

22. the scene when i'm going too fast and i don't want to be slowed down: the strokes - reptilia

23. the scene when i'm banging my head just because: smashing pumpkins - bullet with butterfly wings

24. the scene when i'm playing a guitar (i wish!) singing a song to my girlfriend: fantastic plastic machine - i'm still a simple man

25. the scene when i take a look at that corner shop at night and see everything i've left behind: maroon 5 - secret

26. the scene with all the wars going on and there's nothing i can do: marvin gaye - what's going on

27. the asiaworks scene: lighthouse family - lifted

28. the scene of me in one of those early and quiet mornings staring at the mist: dashboard confessional - screaming infidelities

29. the scene of me looking out of the window wishing upon a star: dubstar - stars

30. whichever scene it doesn't matter anyway: weezer - say it ain't so

31. the scene when the rain start pouring and the wind start breezing: zero 7 - destiny

32. the scene of me changing skin (!): bjork - hunter

33. the scene of me in the urban, forgetting the other life that i might have: lisa shaw - let it ride (jimpster remix)

34. the scene of me embracing life on a sunday morning: maroon 5 - sunday morning

35. the opening scene: smashing pumpkins - 1979

36. the scene when the record store i'm in is having a rex manning day: the buggles - video killed the radio star

37. the scene when i'm belekan: corduroy - something in my eye

38. the scene when everything shines with all that jazz: koop feat. yukimi nagano - summer sun

39. the scene of me and the salty air: groove armada - at the river

40. the scene of me driving my car and find myself on an intersection: jamiroquai - stillness in time

_______________

sidenote: inspired by pip, this is my first post using w.bloggar ::

food of thoughts

my stomach started to make funny noises, craving for food. i'd been in my room for quite a time, so i got up from my desk and went to the kitchen. the chill breeze touched my skin as i left my fully-heated room. i guess my landlord had forgotten to close the window on his room again, before he went out. i walked to the refrigerator trying to find some food to eat without having to cook anything. i opened it and looked at all the choices available, before i picked up the big blueberry-yoghurt bowl, grabbed a teaspoon and ate it as if it's the only thing in the world left.

my life has been changing considerably, i thought. i was a completely different person two years ago. i consider myself as lucky, for of all the infinite possibilities, i've succeeded opting this path and having my possessions. not everyone could experience what i have and will gone through, just as i don't have the options to pursue the other's. but yet i often let my ego drifts up to the surface, speaking on behalf of my heart-voice, which of course, would say another thing. and this dimwitted person inside of me would hear it and act ungrateful of everything.

the yoghurt tasted great.

but i know better over the past times, and remembering my past would always bring giggles snorted out. just as i thought that, i knew one thing too: i would also laugh at this thought, perhaps two or three years from now. life's always changing. who knows what my future would be?

i already ate half of the bowl, and i wanted something else. i put the yoghurt back into the fridge and decided to get some toasts. i still have the salmon-flavoured cheese-spread, so i grabbed two slices of bread before i put them in the toaster and smeared the cheese on top of them.

well, ok, so i do have plans for my future. but whatever that would come, one cannot predict, right? and that is exactly what i wanted, so i would live my life without worrying about what a seer said when she was doing divination (or something like that). i know that i have my own plans, and i will reach them with god's blessing.

there are still some space in my stomach, i thought, so i opened the fridge again searching for something else. i picked up a chicken sausage and put it on a plate. i grabbed a hot dog bun that i still had, placed the sausage in the middle of the bun, had pickles, ketchup, chilli sauce and mustard for the toppings. i heated them in the microwave before i savoured it.

except that i wasn't really sure what my plans really are. and i wasn't sure whether i've been true with myself either. i don't really have a specific ambition, just as i don't know if what i've thought as my dream, really is, after all, my dream. to use the alchemist's term, i haven't exactly sure of what my personal legend is. and then comes the questions, do i have the persistence and courage to realize it? do i have the intuition to pursue it? i was afraid i might chickened out before my very own eyes. people do have this tendency, and as ordinary as one could be, it couldn't miss me.

i'd ate a quarter of the hot dog when i felt thirsty and had some orange juice, before i continue eating. pampering my appetite.

so far i've always live my life in the present. i never actually had an in-depth review of my past. as i've said, i just giggle at it. the same case happened with the thought of my future. it was then, when i comprehend that i should see more of the outside world. i'd spent too much time in my room, and i should let my soul wander around a bit more. or at least, what i thought that i need to do. i should live my life to the fullest.

i'm full.

we are all strangers here

differences in people are things that we need to celebrate more often. they are the most wonderous matter that have never ceased to amaze me. i remember when i was 10 years old i asked my mom, why can't others think the way we think, over and over again. wouldn't world be a better place because there won't be bad people? i would wish for it in between my prayers. i prayed really hard before i go to bed. it continued for a couple of years, because i thought that way people would understand me better. how naive i was.

i saw a guy with a broken leg cruising in front of a neighbourhood on his wheelchair. the wheelchair is a cheap one, quite old and dirty, more or less in a same stage with his clothes. he stopped in front of a bus stop and asked something to an old lady who had been sitting on the bench for quite a moment. she's like from a different world from him with her expensive attire, yet she answered him warmly and it turned into a smile-provoking conversation between them.

we are all strangers here, yet i feel comfortable enough to blabber and rant about my life without even knowing the people who would read my blog. on a bus, a person could just start a chat with a person next to them by saying a simple hi, and spend the rest of their ride explaining what has been happening in their life lately. i could meet some of my friends back home and not wanting to tell them how my life has been, but i could easily tell a newfound friends here my whole life history without worrying a single thing. you keep secrets from your acquintances, but you say it outloud to a person whom you just met. why is it, we find it easier to talk to strangers, even though they might not give a damn on whatever we say, but feel secure at the same time, rather than having a proper conversation with your old friends? why is it, that we don't care if people know what's we gone through, but not the ones that we are close with?

or, is it just me?

salute to mr. levine and mr. mayer!

last saturday. went to vancouver. saw the concert. maroon 5 and john mayer. met her and her brother. had a great time.

you get the point, right?

i was hesitate before, for i don't know where to stay. thanks god i could stay at one of my friends' apartment and didn't miss the fun. took the 11 am bus from victoria to swartz bay, took the 1 pm ferry to tsawassen, took the 3 pm bus to downtown vancouver, took another bus at 5.30 pm to pacific coliseum, boy that was a long and tiring trip. but it's worth while.

when i arrived at pacific coliseum and collected my tickets, i couldn't believe my eyes. that day was valentine's day, yes, and couples were everywhere! so while cuddles, hugs and liplocks are all over the place, i just had to enjoy the concert alone while grunting on how long distance relationship sucks. (hun, if you read this, i miss you so much!). but well, i won't let that thought ruin the night, so i queued happily until they let us in and searched for my seat. lucky i got it at row 18 of section b, i could see everything clearly. after i bought myself some snacks and drink, i finally met this girl, whose brother is my elementary school friend. and she's fun!

then at 7.30 the opening act started, it was maroon 5. seriously, they were great! i knew that i like their songs, but i never realize how good they are after i saw them performing live! they've done really well on combining the rock, pop, and blues sounds into their songs.too bad they only performed for about 45 minutes, for i expected them to play all of their songs from their album songs about jane. nevertheless, they performed really well, and they didn't miss the songs that i like: this love, sunday morning, she will be loved, the sun, etc. the guitar was great, the drum was great, the vocal was particularly great, heck, everything was great!

john mayer himself got to the stage after about 15 minutes break, gave us hints that he is the star of the night. i thought he would play most of his songs from heavier things, his second album, but no, he played a fair amount of songs from his first album room for squares, thank you very much. boy, he was really good! he made lines between the songs on the night's theme, valentine's, but didn't end up corny. he didn't try hard to look and act cool, he just played his songs because he's good at it. now that's what i call a true performer! i mouthed almost all of the lyrics, some girls were actually staring at me several times, heheh, but whatever. i shouted a lot especially when he played no such thing, why georgia, my stupid mouth, only heart, bigger than my body, and my favourite, '83, that i almost lost my voice after the show. all in all, it was a very entertaining show, everyone seemed to be happy and pleased at the end.

great time, yes. but where were you after the show, nique? i tried to look for you and rene but you were nowhere. next time i go to vancouver, we'll meet again, ok?

of that thing

there are times when you have this feeling, you don't know what it is. now is one of those times for me. you might call it an all in one: anxiety, pleasure, sadness, excitement, pain, happiness, emptiness, enthusiasm, apprehension, thrill, all crammed simultaneously and make me overwhelmed, overjoyed, devastated, and electrified at the same time. and my heart skips a beat. and the next thing i know it'll explode within a second.
wish me luck, guys.

young/old

funny, people tend to think that i'm older than i really am.
is this a sign that i should act more like my age? oh well.

update: and i mean not just my look.

ost - my life [part 1]

* if my life is a movie, then these songs will be the soundtrack:

1. the scene when i'm outside at the bus stop and the snow start falling: massive attack - protection

2. the scene when everything's falling apart and i'm over the edge: aquanote - nowhere (crazy p's heatwave mix)

3. the scene when i'm listening to a guy who smoke and talk too much: idlewild - when i argue i see shapes

4. the scene when i'm dreaming a weird but happy dream: they might be giants - mink car

5. the scene of me helping those grandmas and pas: pulp - help the aged

6. the scene when i'm reminiscing my childhood: ben folds - silver street (live)

7. the scene of me and my girlfriend watching tv because there's nothing else to do: the wannadies - you and me song

8. the scene of me running to catch the next train because i missed the last bus: the strokes - hard to explain

9. the scene of me wanting badly to have a one night stand with a girl (not that it'd happened :P): dave matthews band - say goodbye

10. the scene of me staring at my notebook's monitor too long listing this: cibo matto - stone

11. the scene when the night seems flawless: brand new heavies - feels like right

12. the scene of me in kyoto (i hope!): air - alone in kyoto

13. the scene of me taking a deep breathe and sigh for the 457th time: badly drawn boy - silent sigh

14. the scene of me picking up a cd on a street and everything starts to spin: weezer - the world has turn and left me here

15. the bliss scene: omar - there's nothing like this

16. the scene when nothing can explain what i don't understand: the strokes - trying your luck

17. the scene when i cancel all my suicidal thoughts: jamiroquai - too young to die

18. the scene of me lazying around beneath a coconut tree at senggigi beach, lombok, staring at the ocean: kings of tomorrow feat. julie mcknight - finally (kevin yost mix)

19. the scene when i don't know how do you do it and make me feel like i do: incubus - stellar

20. the scene when i'm dancing on the roof in the middle of the night: bjork - it's oh so quiet

downtown people

another day in victoria? sort of, but yesterday was better: the sun shone! the temperature rose above 8 degree, the sky was clear blue with only a few clouds hanging, it was perfect. winter couldn't be better than this in victoria: early february and some flowers have already bloom! the breeze was just right, the weather was just ideal, too good for me to miss it by staying inside. especially after months of gloomy skies and endless rains, as well as a week full of papers and exams.

so i went downtown. my first plan was to go with one of my friends as usual, but i thought walking around alone would be great, so i did. besides, it's been quite a while since the last time i spent a good time by myself there. what's funny is that i couldn't help but noticing that there are lots of different kinds of people i've encountered in several hours, so here i make a list of them:

1. the blonde bombshells. about 5 of them, took the same bus as me. wearing summer clothing inside their fancy coats. too much makeup parallel with their too much attitudes. was the loudest group on the bus, chatting about what they're going to do once they arrive at hillside mall. realized that they have killer looks and bodies, and they used them well to make hopeless guys falling head over heels.

2. the homeless. they've been around the city since god-knows-when, virtually to be found along adjacent blocks of douglas and yates street. the main characteristic is the smell: a mix of their body odour (for haven't taken shower for 10 years), their clothes (the same since the first time i saw them september last year) and alcohol. sneaked between alleys to smoke pots. dirty blankets, guitars, wood drums and rotten stuff animals (!) as their 'home furniture'.

3. the trashy punk wannabes. too big jumpers, extreme hairstyles and colours, excessive body piercing, big headphones curling on their necks, trashy clothes as well as manners. baggy pants with heavy chains and metal accessories. goth look-alike makeup for the girls, complete with fake leather jackets and boots. found as groups, or at least at twos, but never alone. concentrated heavily along the same places as the homeless.

4. the asians. we don't really blend up with the rest, do we? chinese, korean, japanese, you name it. mostly wear expensive and stylish clothes; scarf is necessary. coat with visual fur embroidery is necessary. digital cameras and polytonic ringtones from their latest cells are necessities. chat and speak using their mother languages almost all the time. found everywhere, and mostly in group of threes.

5. the black-coated women group. this one is not your everyday patrons of downtown. there were at least 10 of them, all wearing black coats and march along the sidewalk as if they're of big importance. mostly in their 30s, and was heading toward southwest. i absolutely have no clue of who - and what - they are.

6. the skateboarding guys. funky street style, and obviously the name speak for them. usually i found them in groups, but yesterday they were ones. sometimes they join the punk groups, but for the most part they were just skating around showing off their skating ability.

7. the grannies. couldn't miss this group. as victoria itself is a perfect place for retirement with its mild climate, salient scenes and old-style architecture, yesterday's too-good-to-be-true early-february weather naturally forced them to go outside enjoying life. their white hairs sparked as the sunshine beamed over, made them relish their cups of tea even more. but where were grandpas?

8. the coffee shop regulars. no need to explain, i'm one of them. what can be better than enjoying your cup of latte on a sunny february day?

9. the couples. i know valentine's coming next week, so can you at least be more patience, people? oh well, your decision. they came in all kinds of shapes and age imaginable. from the overweight to the skinny ones, asians to first nations, pre-teens to over-70s. mostly found along the harbour across the royal wax museum and the empress hotel. romantic indeed.

10. the others. (too many of them, i'm not gonna describe all one by one.)

could i have been?

could i have been what i've dreamt to be? no dissapointments, no envies, no self-blames, no whatsoever?

could i have been more than my old man? as he has wished me to be, as i have wished me to be?

could i have been anyone other than me? erasing my past, getting a bigger life, making a difference?

could i have been not seeing today? perhaps to freeze the moment, to not looking back, to not looking forward?

could i have been the everything? and i mean the everything, as in every single thing?

could i have been stop questioning all? would my life would be easier, would i enjoy my life better, would i smile wider?

could i have been accepting the faith? be care less with the grunts, be care less with the lies, be care less with the denials?

could i have been a better man? i might not know what would that means, but could i be that?

could i have been lost under the ground? forget the world above, forget everything i've done, and never come back?

could i have been skipping these scenarios? throw them, ignite them, and pretend they never exist?

could i have been true to myself? do i know how to be true to myself?

could i have been anyone other than me?

*inspired by dave matthews band's dancing nancies