i'm boring

no, no, that's not a self statement, thank you very much (although maybe i am, but that's off the topic). i'm referring to those who, instead of saying i'm bored, utter i'm boring (well, you probably are, nuthead). or those who say i'm very exciting (do you, really?), while they actually mean i'm very excited. or those that have no more credit to make a phone call using their cells and end up saying i'm running out of pulse (as donna has said, how come you're still standing here and breathing?). or those asking for a pen from a nearby friend and say can you throw your pen at me? (boy, they must hate themselves very much, eh? it's a good thing it's only a pen. imagine if they're asking for, let say, a thick hardcover dictionary..). or those who say can you help me search my t-shirt? when they are actually asking for someone to help them search for their t-shirt (although without a doubt i would gladly do it if a hot girl asks me that question...). or those who say i'm stupid when they mean i'm stupid. ok, maybe the last one's forgiven. :)

you got my point. grammar mistakes are often lead into false meanings. don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to be a smart-ass over here, by saying that my english is errorless, for it is not. don't believe me? be my guest, check my previous writings in this blog and you will see that i too make grammar mistakes here and there. like, comma splices, sentence structures, idioms, agreements, verbs and what's not. and as much as i hate to see people mistaken the words lose, loose and lost, just as what donna and lei have discussed before, i hate grammar rules too. but nonetheless, grammar is painfully essential, so whether we like it or not, we can't really do anything except to just stick with it, no? imo, it would still be acceptable if the mistakes wouldn't alter what the actual meaning that the speaker intend to say, just like what i've mentioned above. i'm boring. i'm running out of pulse. i need someone to throw a heavy book at me. sounds like a hopeless guy indeed.

so perhaps, we should stop using english altogether and using our beloved bahasa instead? maybe (fyi, the reason why i only use english in my posts is just because i need to practice. that's all, really). but wouldn't it be wiser to actually help the girl searching for her t-shirt instead of letting the query to be interpreted just as it is and put your hands all over her breasts? (a scenario most likely happens to pip) ;p

the algebra of life

"the only dream worth having, is to dream that you will live while you're alive and die only when you're dead."

which means exactly what?

"to love. to be loved. to never forget your own insignificance. to never get used to the unspeakable violence and vulgar disparity of life around you. to seek joy in the saddest places. to pursue beauty to its lair. to never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. to respect strength, never power. above all, to watch. to try and understand. to never look away. and never, never to forget."

arundhati roy
the end of imagination, august 1998

bali vs. jakarta

i was walking with 2 of my friends downtown when i passed a souvenir shop that put a bunch of postcards in front of the show window, and suddenly remember that i need to send alaya one. so i browsed them and decided to buy 3, one for her, one for my another friend, and one just in case. the next day when i went to finnerty express at my campus to buy a cup of coffee, i decided to buy the stamps. so i approaced the cashier girl.

me: hi, can i have a cup of latte? and i need stamps to send a postcard.
her: hi, sure. where do you want to send it?
me: indonesia.
her: ok, that'd be 4.30 please

she handed me the stamps and i gave her the change, when she asked me another question.

her: i'm sorry, but are you from indonesia?
me: yeah, why?
her: oh this is great! cuz i'm planning to go there on september with my friends, it's gonna be fun! oh my god i'm so excited, i've never been to southeast asia before..
me: oh cool, whereabout?
her: i'm still not sure yet.. we might go either to bali or jakarta, or even both if we have the time.. which do you suggest?

almost instantly, without any thinking, i replied:

me: go to bali. don't go to jakarta.

and i stepped back. i couldn't believe what i've just said.

her: yeah? i thought so too, i heard bali's a lot of fun. and jakarta should be just like another city, no?
me: true, and it's not really a good representation of indonesia. all it offers are only pollution and traffic.. (half laughing)

and i stepped back further. that sentence was just slipped out of my mouth without me realizing it. do i really hate jakarta that much? it really was seem natural, but was it wise of me of saying bad things about jakarta to foreigners? do i really don't want them to look at the superficial part of indonesia?

her: (half laughing too) ok, i'll remember that. oh, your latte is at the other end, and the mail box is outside of the store. thanks for the suggestion, anyway. have a great day..
me: yeah, you too.

and i couldn't stop thinking about it. was i doing the right thing by saying that? should i just said that she should go to both places and compare them herself? or maybe it's better this way, because i've told her the truth? after all, jakarta's not that bad, or is it?

i remember a few months ago, i met a japanese girl from a wednesday coffee meeting, and we introduce ourselves to each other. when i said that i'm from indonesia, she told me that she went to bali for a holiday and had a lot of fun there. she even remember all the names of the places: kuta, ubud, jimbaran, denpasar, nusa dua. when i asked her whether she went to jakarta or not, she said that she was only there at the airport for about 2 hours. soekarno-hatta. curious, i asked her what did she think about it. she said that it was 'okay', as she expected smaller place, but it was fine. however, she also mentioned that 'the guards and the officials are unfriendly'.

perhaps i did the right thing by saying don't go to jakarta to the cashier girl.

_____________

*note: if any of you wants to get a postcard, just give me your full address and i'd be more than happy to send it to you :)

ost - my life [part 3]

as wulan's asked, this is part three. click here for part one and here for part two.

41. the scene when i'm in the middle of a field and relishing the day: doves - catch the sun

42. the scene when i just wake up and smiling: les nubians - sourire

43. the scene of me pouring milk into a tall glass: blur - coffee and tv

44. the scene when i'm re-arranging stuff from my past: ben folds five - smoke

45. the scene of me really want someone to, well, get outtathaway!: the vines - outtathaway!

46. the scene of me and my girlfriend in that groovin' restaurant having fun: al green - let's stay together

47. the scene when i'm going to an oldies party after i left someone: avalanches - since i left you

48. the scene when i know i have to move on with my life: bjork feat. thom yorke - i've seen it all

49. the scene of me hanging out with my friends at senayan: duncan sheik - barely breathing

50. the scene of me watching empire records over and over again: gin blossoms - till i hear it from you

51. the scene when a sexy girl approaching out of nowhere: fundacion tony manero - supersexy girl

52. the scene when i miss my girlfriend so much: incubus - i miss you (acoustic)

53. the nature scene: jamiroquai - blow your mind (extended version)

54. the scene when there's something missing on that particular day: mandalay - this time last year

55. the scene when i'm deeply mellow: system f - cry (acoustic)

56. the scene of me stealing a mighty amount of money and walking away: underworld - born slippy

57. the scene when i don't know why i believe in destiny: dashboard confessional - hold on

58. the scene of me cuddling all the way with my girlfriend: aquanote - all over you (2b4u remix)

59. the scene when i'm dancing and dancing and dancing and dancing: wax poetic feat. norah jones - tell me (temple of soul mix)

60. the scene of me reading beside the fountain on a sunny day: mind becomes drum - high blue sky

on the truth

Reality is nothing but
The sum of all awareness
As you experience here and now
*gestalt principle

i never realized how true this is until recently. the quote speaks for itself. go figure.

what's your personality?

i think personality is way overrated. i mean, how can people believe sometimes vague, general descriptions to accurately describe themselves? just take a look at the list below:

imaginative, sensitive, insecure, traditional, loner, responsible, complacent, cold, introverted, practical, aggressive, easygoing, timid, enthusiastic, driven, idealistic, calm, purposeful, concrete, passive, aloof, psychotic, suspicious, tough-minded, liberal, compulsive, high-strung, impersonal, uninhibited, serious, unassured, affectionate, greedy, leader, relaxed, guilt-prone, fun, accepting, romantic, volatile, indifferent, caring, sociable, pretentious, productive, competent, reserved, abstract, moralistic, childish, anxious, follower, self-conscious, narcistic, tense, critical, warmhearted, extraverted, hostile, stable, observing, foolish, controlled, unpretentious, obsessive, intuitive, manipulative, free-thinking, creative, loyal, follower, open, moody, neurotic, cooperative, loving, ethical, careless, talkative, trusting, dependable, arrogant, submissive, laid-back, nurturant, dominant, hard-working, deferent, hysterical, perceptive, logical, paranoid, depressive, believer, versatile, judgemental, organized, active, reinforced, obedient, outspoken, selfish, perceiver, assertive, individualistic, flexible, etc. etc. etc.

and you would realize how much overlaps there are. not to mention the too-many so-called personality tests available, online or printed (i'm not going to list them down here).
oh, by the way, what's your personality?

( )

behind that corner closet are what i called the untouchable things.
crumbs. left-overs.
temptuously hideous.
i can sneak a peek through the narrow space between the sliding doors, but i can barely see anything.
the doors creek once in awhile. an almost forgotten label patched near the edge: caution: unproper, unwise and untimely use might results in agony
i refuse to slide the doors wide open.
until i'm ready.
and perhaps, it is okay to stay with denials a little longer.

until i'm ready.

the trouble with scott

all day long, he played loud music from the tv room, the loudest so far since he bought that new bose stereo along with the sony tv last december. he was never a guy who cares much with music or watching tv shows, for the pre-december time was tv and stereo-less since he purchased the house on last year's summer. even after he owns the home-theatre apparatus, he rarely use it except occasionally. at least, until yesterday.

ok, for those of you who don't know who scott is, he's my landlord. housemate. a 42-year-old childless divorcee, works for parks canada, living with two cats in a nice house in the middle of a nice neighbourhood. i rent a room in his house and have been staying here for almost six months. the house itself is great, not to small but big enough as a shelter for two people. i buy and cook my own food, he buys and cooks his own food. i come and go whenever i want, he comes and goes whenever he wants. we share everything inside the house except the ones in our own rooms. he doesn't care of anything that i do as long as i can keep the rest of the house clean and in a good shape. he lends me stuff, and sometimes if he's in a good mood he shares some of his own cooking with me. often he spends his weekends out of town, so i would have the whole house on my own. in short, life is good between us. but apparently that's not the case for his own life. i remember he wept in front of me in the kitchen a few months ago when he broke up with his then-girlfriend. and i haven't really heard any good stories of the aftermath until now. more stories about him? check over here and here.

but that's not what this post is about. it's about how he's been driving me nuts since yesterday. unlike my wake-up call two days ago, which was pleasing because it was my girlfriend's voice, yesterday's one was a very loud country music that he played at 9 am. and when i say loud, i mean loud. i'm pretty sure if it was during night time he would already got complains from neighbours five blocks away. it's not a pleasant way to start your day, believe me. especially when it's the kind of music that you really despise. i gotta check my hearing afterwards.

turned he just bought a new cd, which was quite a surprise because he rarely do that. he said that the last time he buys cds was around three years ago. so he wanted to listen to it, and that would be okay. but it's not okay because he played it, literally, all day, non-stop! not only that, he even played it louder when a few of his friends came along around noon, because he wanted to show it off! it really ruined my plan to study for my three upcoming midterms next week. you cannot concentrate whatsoever. bad time to stay at home and not going anywhere, mil. i know, i know, i should've said that to him, but i guess i'm just too kind. besides, he's been really good with me.

but it's getting worse. around 5 pm, a guy friend of him came around (the music was, of course, still playing loudly and it's the same cd played repeatedly) and they had dinner together. afterwards, they sang along loudly with their awful voices to the music as if it's the last thing they can do before they die. it was not until the time was approaching 8 pm that they went out to a party together and the music stops. i finally got my peaceful time of the day.

fastforward to 1 am, around two hours ago. the phone rang and a woman's shuddery voice was at the other end, obviously drunk. her voice growled, sentences were unclear because she only mumbled them. i thought it was a wrong number, so i said i guess you're dialing a wrong number. but she said no it's not. i asked whether she wants to talk to scott, because he's not home yet. she said yeah but obviously he's still busy partyin' huh, and then laughed. and then she apologized for waking me up. i said no you didn't, so no worries. she kept apologizing, but sneaked laughter in between. i said whatever. then she said if he ever gets home, you'd say to him that it's rude to left the party without saying goodbye to us, ok. i said what, because she muttered it too fast. she repeated that. errr... ok, i said. you'd do that, right, she asked again. as you wish, i shrugged. okay then, bye, and she hanged up. i left a post-it note on his door, exactly what she was saying.

around 1.30-ish. i'm in my room. he came home and went straight in front of the tv, turned it on loud. he's drunk too, i guess, i could tell from his weird laugh. after about 15 minutes, he turned the tv off, and there were sounds of footsteps, and then silence, and then another laugh, followed by a weird sound which took me a moment to recognized it as a silent, faltered cry. he got the message. i didn't hear any running water sounds from the sink which usually come before he goes to bed.

i'm just hoping he won't play the same cd again or sappy songs tomorrow. or maybe he could. i'm going out.

________________________

update: 3.45 am. i heard puke sounds from his bathroom. poor thing.

unimportant news of the day

been very busy this week (in an undeniably procrastinating sorta way, that is).

today.
got a wake-up call from my girlfriend in jakarta. got As for my past assignments and exams. thought i'll spend the rest of the day happily.
well, think again, mil.

it was raining cats and dogs in the morning. used the umbrella. went to campus. wind blew hard. really hard. umbrella fell apart, flipping out. i got wet. was a laughable object with my broken umbrella all the way.
fast forward to noon. went out of class, and it was like summer outside. people wearing t-shirts. felt like being a circus clown with my thick coat.
fast forward to afternoon, around 4-ish. cold again, wind blew hard again. people who wore t-shirts shiver hard. now i could laugh again.

gonna have a big night, tonight. errr... as long as i don't screw it up. i need my converse.

___________________

update: the night turned to be great! yay! and i didn't even wear my converse! :))

peter jackson's dream

and the oscar goes to...

lord of the rings: the return of the king

and i wonder why i wasn't surprised at all. :)