wishing more days like this

when everything goes (not) so well

just the other day, a friend of mine who just found out about my weekly schedule asked me,

—how do you have time for all that?

the truth is, i don't know. i still have to work on my time management, because even though i'm somewhat more organized than the average joe, when it comes to priorities i prefer to use my gut. it's more of a sporadic thought sorting rather than a condusive decision making. you would think that something bad would come out of it.

that's what i thought, too. and right about this moment, everything goes so well. too well, i would say.

and when nothing has gone wrong, you become nervous. you wonder what might be waiting ahead of you.

i had a three-hour long conversation with a really close friend a couple of nights ago, debating about which path we should take when we don't even know our options. at the very end we reassured each other that if it's beyond our control, then we shouldn't worry about it. i told another friend about our conclusion when she remarked,

—and this comes from you! you should've known better before this, mil.

of course she's right. so i'm guilty as charged, because i have been worrying, while i got what i can control under my control. but it's also my fault that the other parts of my life have been pretty much abandoned. i don't know how to take care of myself anymore.

my hearing problem, for example. my jaw complication. my sleeping habit. my diet. oh, my spare time.

gone are the days when i can take such things for granted.

guess i just have to live with it.

bogus

i hate that i don't have time for myself no more
i hate that my mind's too fucked up
i hate that i'm losing my creativity
i hate that my focus has shifted to something else
i hate that despite all these i wallow with glee

movies i saw in 2005

to preserve the tradition i started last year of listing movies i've seen in chronological order yearly. inclusive january 1st to december 31st, first time views only.

1. ray
2. napoleon dynamite
3. i heart huckabees
4. the yes men (doc)
5. primer
6. stage beauty (uk, germany, usa)
7. dogville (denmark, sweden, france, norway, netherlands, finland, germany, usa, uk) [dvd]
8. taxi driver [dvd]
9. better luck tomorrow [dvd]
10. wilby wonderful (canada)
11. moonlight mile [dvd]
12. lagaan (india) [dvd]
13. kinsey (usa, germany)
14. closer
15. enduring love (uk)
16. hotel rwanda (canada, uk, italy, south africa)
17. born into brothels (india, usa) (doc)
18. being julia (canada, usa, hungary, uk)
19. finding neverland
20. my life without me (canada) [dvd]
21. edward scissorhands [dvd]
22. p.s. [dvd]
23. man on the train (france, germany, uk, switzerland) [dvd]
24. a very long engangement (france, usa)
25. the merchant of venice (usa, italy, luxembourg, uk)
26. the phantom of the opera (usa, uk)
27. the aviator
28. bad education (spain)
29. the assasination of richard nixon
30. veronica guerin (ireland, usa, uk) [dvd]
31. requiem for a dream [dvd]
32. possession (usa, uk) [dvd]
33. monsoon wedding [dvd]
34. russian ark (russia, germany) [dvd]
35. the return (russia)
36. waking life [dvd]
37. the interpreter
38. the sea inside (spain)
39. million dollar baby
40. alfie (uk, usa) [dvd]
41. ned kelly (australia, uk, france) [dvd]
42. confessions of a dangerous mind (usa, canada, germany) [dvd]
43. jackie brown [dvd]
44. in the cut (usa, uk, australia) [dvd]
45. kingdom of heaven (usa, spain, uk)
46. gosford park (uk, usa, germany, italy) [dvd]
47. ong-bak (thailand)
48. JFK (usa, france) [dvd]
49. rory o'shea was here (uk)
50. inside deep throat (doc)
51. the future of food (usa, canada) (doc)
52. bride and prejudice (uk, usa)
53. the world (china, japan, france)
54. wicker park [dvd]
55. the shawshank redemption [dvd]
56. osama (afghanistan, netherlands, japan, ireland, iran) [dvd]
57. tarnation (part doc)
58. the magdalene sisters (ireland, uk) [dvd]
59. natural born killers [dvd]
60. thelma & louise [dvd]
61. trapped (usa, germany) [dvd]
62. the usual suspects (usa, germany) [dvd]
63. in my country (country of my skull) (uk, ireland, south africa)
64. de-lovely (usa, uk) [dvd]
65. in this world (uk) [dvd]
66. war of the worlds
67. star wars episode iii: revenge of the sith
68. melinda and melinda
69. birth [dvd]
70. in good company [dvd]
71. dear frankie (uk)
72. turtles can fly (iran, france, iraq)
73. the stepford wives [dvd]
74. control room (doc) [dvd]
75. 24 hour party people (uk, france, netherlands) [dvd]
76. the ballad of jack and rose
77. walk on water (israel, sweden)
78. cinema paradiso (italy)
79. look at me (france, italy)
80. crash (usa, germany)
81. mean girls [dvd]
82. the notebook [dvd]
83. downfall (germany, italy, austria)
84. to die for [dvd]
85. the village [dvd]
86. oldboy (south korea)
87. spring, summer, fall, winter... and spring (south korea, germany) [dvd]
88. the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy (usa, uk)
89. ten (iran, france, usa) [dvd]
90. sabah (canada)
91. quill (japan)
92. charlie and the chocolate factory (usa, uk)
93. saving face
94. virgin (indonesia) [dvd]
95. 30 hari mencari cinta (indonesia) [dvd]
96. enron: the smartest guy in the room (doc)
97. brownies (indonesia) [dvd]
98. mysterious skin (usa, netherlands)
99. biola tak berdawai (indonesia) [dvd]
100. exiles (france, japan)
101. eiffel... i'm in love (indonesia) [dvd]
102. the constant gardener (usa, uk)
103. scarface [dvd]
104. my summer of love (uk)
105. me and you and everyone we know
106. last days
107. broken wings (israel)
108. wedding crashers [dvd]
109. saw 2
110. howl's moving castle (japan)
111. scared sacred (canada) (doc)
112. seoul train (doc)
113. harry potter and the goblet of fire (usa, uk)
114. three seasons (usa, vietnam) [dvd]
115. dazed and confused [dvd]
116. igby goes down [dvd]
117. everything is illuminated
118. touching the void (uk) [dvd]
119. the house of fools (russia, france) [dvd]
120. all about my mother (spain, france) [dvd]
121. rosentrasse (germany, netherlands) [dvd]
122. the way home (south korea) [dvd]
123. ice age [dvd]
124. hope springs (uk, usa) [dvd]
125. seducing doctor lewis (canada) [dvd]
126. march of the penguins (france) [dvd]
127. liam (uk, germany, france) [dvd]
128. lolita [dvd]
129. carandiru (brazil) [dvd]

index:
orange = highly recommended!
gray = it proves that there's no justice in the world
blue = country of production (if left blank means usa)
doc = documentary
dvd = pretty self-explanatory

the way-too-delayed compulsory year-in review



in 2005, i...

• didn't go home (i.e. indonesia) at all


• missed both of my sisters' weddings


• became an uncle of two little angels


• got elected as the local chapter president of an organization that i more than love


• watched more movies than ever before (more of this to come)


• didn't go to as many gigs as i wanted (the notable two were pretty girls make graves and the paper cranes)


• both started and ended the year in the prairies


• missed a lot of good friends


• found a lot of great friends


• understood myself for the first time


• found a whole new genre of music which i relish


• got two part time jobs


• lost love


• got inspired and inspired others


• had the lowest gpa so far


• pretty much gave up the idea of updating this blog at least once a week


• moved to a new house with three incredible friends


• got brainwashed


• bought myself an iPod and a new digital camera. gadget freak, i know.


• got even more fascinated by photography, art, and all that tart


• couldn't wait for 2006 to come

what a year! let's just see what 2006 has to offer. 'til then,