where is the time?

where are the never-ending, too-much-to-waste spare times i used to have? where have the free hours of strolling downtown and browsing useless websites gone? the times i had to cook dinner. read my books. download songs. clean my room. post something on my blog. exercise. where are they?

where have i led my life into? why am i now rushing with time and never get enough?

i wonder why

i wonder why sometimes i love it when uncertainty prevails.

movies i saw in 2004

sorted in a chronological order. inclusive in the year 2004 (january 1st - december 31st). included are movies that i saw for the first time. countless replays are not included (exception for #26, for that was the first time i watched all 3 movies straight in one viewing of 10 hours).

1. the station agent (usa/canada) *
2. the human stain
3. casa de los babys (usa/mexico)
4. sylvia (uk)
5. intolerable cruelty
6. shattered glass
7. runaway jury
8. the singing detective --pft
9. 11"09"01 - september 11 (uk/france/egypt/japan/mexico/usa)
10. love actually (uk)
11. elephant *
12. something's gotta give
13. falling angels (canada)
14. american splendor *
15. punch-drunk love [dvd]
16. the dreamers (usa/france)
17. 50 first date
18. the barbarian invasions (canada) *
19. 21 grams
20. the butterfly effect --pft
21. cold mountain
22. house of sand and fog
23. calendar girls (usa/uk)
24. in america *
25. mystic river
26. LoTR trilogy (marathon)
27. kill bill vol. 2
28. the corporation (doc)
29. eternal sunshine of the spotless mind *
30. the triplets of belleville (france) --pft
31. monster
32. troy
33. girl with a pearl earring (uk/luxembourg)
34. shrek 2
35. y tu mama tambien (mexico/usa) [dvd] *
36. reservoir dogs [dvd]
37. the fog of war (doc)
38. the crime of padre amaro (mexico/spain/france/argentina) [dvd]
39. dancer in the dark (denmark/germany/netherlands/usa/uk/ france/sweden/finland/iceland/norway) [dvd] *
40. tibet: cry of the snow lion (doc)
41. amores perros (mexico) [dvd] *
42. harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban
43. talk to her (spain) [dvd]
44. the day after tomorrow
45. donnie darko
46. mulholland drive [dvd] --pft
47. super size me (doc)
48. arisan! (indonesia) [dvd]
49. the ice storm [dvd]
50. the royal tenenbaums [dvd]
51. kandahar (iran) [dvd]
52. goodbye, lenin! (germany) *
53. the piano (australia/new zealand/france) [dvd]
54. the terminal
55. the sweet hereafter (usa/canada) [dvd]
56. city of god (brazil) [dvd] *
57. the thin red line [dvd]
58. son of the bride (argentina) [dvd]
59. i'm not scared (italy) *
60. fahrenheit 9/11 (doc)
61. laws of attraction
62. scooby doo 2
63. cradle will rock [dvd] *
64. hellboy [dvd]
65. along came polly [dvd]
66. pieces of april [dvd]
67. spiderman 2
68. nowhere in africa (germany/kenya) [dvd]
69. monsieur ibrahim (france) [dvd]
70. wasabi (france/japan) [dvd] --pft
71. mengejar matahari (indonesia)
72. the importance of being earnest (usa/france/uk) [dvd]
73. donnie brasco [dvd] *
74. win a date with ted hamilton [dvd] --pft
75. sex, lies, and videotape [dvd]
76. catwoman
77. hamlet [dvd]
78. intermission (ireland/uk) [dvd]
79. sinbad: legend of the 7 seas [dvd]
80. starsky and hutch
81. the bourne supremacy
82. the delicate art of parking (canada) (doc) *
83. coffee and cigarettes *
84. resident evil 2
85. touch of pink (uk/canada)
86. garden state *
87. before sunset *
88. my mother likes women (spain) --pft
89. el mariachi (mexico) --pft
90. the story of the weeping camel (mongolia) (doc)
91. the motorcycle diaries (usa/uk/germany/argentina) *
92. vera drake (uk)
93. sex and lucia (spain) [dvd]
94. facing windows (italy)
95. blow [dvd]
96. team america: world police
97. intimate strangers (france)
98. my architect: a son's journey (doc)
99. maria full of grace (colombia/usa) *
100. bridget jones diary 2 (uk)
101. vanity fair (uk/usa)
102. the incredibles
103. the experiment (germany) [dvd]
104. japanese story (australia)
105. ocean's 12
106. sideways *

index:
orange * = this movie blows my mind!
gray --pft = it sucks big time
(blue) = country of production (if left blank means usa)
(doc) = documentary
[dvd] = i watched it in a dvd format

calgary, new year, and back to reality

sometimes it's hard to adjust back to the real world after series of stressful, tense, yet fun and unforgettable events slamming your life for a week or so. it felt weird when last wednesday i had to go back to my old routine, going to new classes , writing down upcoming schedule in a new agenda, finding a new job, taking the bus to and from the campus, so on and so forth. every time I have the chance to gather with my friends, we always try to forget the reality and talk about our holidays, the time when we share our love and finding out about each other's personality as if it's the first time we met. so many things had happened during the past weeks. i find it hard to believe how close we are to each other, yet we are very distant. after hours we would go places, all excited and perky, and end the day all exhausted, downhearted, with our hearts full of hope. wishful thinking.

i remember calgary as the goddamn flat, freaking dry and cold city in the middle of the prairie with downtown full of tall buildings rising out of nowhere. when i took a peak from the plane's window, the view was simply breathtaking. blocks after blocks after blocks of nothing but white. snow white. the land is plain flat, you could see as far as the horizon almost 360°. before calgary, the coldest place i've been was only around -5° C. calgary, it reached as cold as -28° C. welcome to canada indeed.

my nose was bleeding almost all the time. the air was dead dry and unbelievably cold i couldn't breathe properly with my nose when i was outside; i had to use my mouth instead, and found the blood freezed inside my nose. my face went numb in 30 seconds, my ears turned red and hurt as if i just had a bee sting.

it couldn't get any worse than that.

but i had the time of my life there. the perfect escape. even made a fool of myself during new year's eve. enjoying life. i hadn't had the loudest laugh before that week. the biggest foolish smile. the widest grin. the lousiest grim. the fattest guilt. a mix of chocolate fondue and sushi.

it has been snowing in victoria since yesterday. funny how i really enjoy it. if it's not because of the wind, it would have been perfect, although it's still nothing compared to calgary. 2005 has started in a strange way. strange, for i've learned how to appreciate the 'real' me.

and everyone else.