just when i thought it's all perfect

this morning i found a post-it note in front of my door. it says:

emil,
can you please do your dishes? or load the dishwasher.
thank you
scott

the day couldn't be started in a better way.

¡feliz cumpleaños a mí!
_____________________________

update (october 31st):

yesterday turns out to be the most memorable birthday bash i've had since ages. the best part was, of course, the fact that i wasn't expecting anything in particular to happen. but people were simply amazing. and for that, i thank them. :)

last friday

"so what do you want to have for dinner?"

"uhm.. i'm still not sure," i replied while looking around the place, "i'm kinda saving my money lately. this is actually a bit unexpected. i was planning to have it at home, really, so i won't really have to spend much—"

he glared at me.

"what?" i glared back, "i know, it's a bit too late now. okay. i'll get the regular chinese combo." i paused, "as usual."

all of a sudden he smiled and said, "how about we go out of this building, go to that vietnamese restaurant at yates—what's the name? saigon night?—and have a little fiesta?"

i stared blankly.

"it's on me." he grinned.

"what?"

"on me," he repeated. "your birthday's coming soon, right?"

"but it's not until like next week!"

"so?" he replied and shrugged, "i'm too lazy to actually buy you a present or whatever, and i bet soon i'll forget when it will be anyway. so why not celebrate it now?"

"but—"

"don't 'but' me. it's a yes or no question. and let me tell you something. when someone's offering you a treat," he paused and grinned again, "especially from an ass like me, you better take yes for an answer or you'll regret it later, cause it's a once in a blue moon thing."

i laughed at this and trailed my words, "well..."

"well?"

"dude, you're definitely da bomb! how 'bout if we catch a movie afterwards?" i said. "on you." i added.
_____________________________

still have 5 days down the road, and now should be the perfect time to show you my wishlist. just so that you can prepare. ;)

"LIVE LIFE AS IF YOU'RE MAKING LOVE TO IT"

ost - my life [part 8]

past parts: one, two, three, four, five, six, and seven. and for the sake of my life, here are the rest (but surely not the last):

141. the scene of her getting up and dance around the room: elefant - make up

142. the scene when i try really hard to sleep but insomnia wins: yo la tengo - don't have to be sad

143. the ultimate scene: frou frou - let go

144. the scene when i lie on my bed in the morning, with disappointment and regret collide: death cab for cutie - title and registration

145. the scene in between the mist: black box recorder - the facts of life

146. the scene when, well, the title's pretty self-explanatory: de-phazz - time slips

147. the drizzle scene: sondre lerche - dead passengers

148. the scene when i'm being really sarcastic: pulp - lipgloss

149. the pop continental scene: the sea and cake - the argument

150. the sorry scene: franz ferdinand - tell her tonight

151. the scene when i dream of dreaming: interpol - stella was a driver and she was always down

152. the absurd french indie scene: the stills - retour a vega

153. the scene when everything is illuminated: orbital - adnan's

154. the scene when blue is red is yellow: royksopp - sparks

155. the coffee-on-the-table-and-a-deep-conversation-in-the-cafe scene: infracom presents rejazz - swoundosophy

156. the scene when i'm on a meadow and the leaves fall all over me: the shins - new slang

157. the headache scene: pinback - X I Y

158. the scene when emil goes pop: phoenix - if i ever feel better

159. the cliched scene: stereophonics - maybe tomorrow

160. the scene of me dancing like i'm in love: elefant - tonight let's dance

the party is over and your life is waiting

i look around and i thought, life has been good to me.

i wanted to say that autumn is my favourite season of the year, but i have always love other seasons as well, so it is unjust to put it that way. it is only natural for me to cherish this time, and so far october has been a very exhausting yet rewarding month. the stress, the projects, the headache, the fun, the craziness, all mixed and the first half of the month hasn't even come yet. i figure my journey will still have a long way to go. god knows what's going to happen. what i need is just a good preparation for the unexpected. both psysically and mentally.

being a pessimist isn't always fun. sometimes it's nice to have a positive attitude towards your own goals, values, and the future. make peace with yourself. be good and take everything merrily.

i've been struggling through a near-turmoil situation this past week, and it still continues. sure, the sidekicks are prolly the most enjoyable of all experiences, but it was a havoc nonetheless, and still is. yet somehow i managed to ignore that fact and just get through it.

yes, that explains my lack of writings.

and the more things get overwhelming, the more i realize how much i should be grateful for everything. not that i take things for granted, but it's just the recognition that life can't always be perfect and that what makes my life perfect.

in a way, of course.

i'm babbling too much. readers, just bear with me. it's all not over yet.

dim

the weather today was foggy.

the weather has been foggy each morning the past weeks, but today it was all day long.

it was foggy in the morning when i woke up and gaze outside the window. it was foggy still three hours later when i locked the front door close and heading toward the bus stop. in the afternoon i saw everything much clearer because the sunlight staggered in between the mist, but it was foggy nonetheless.

in the evening the dense fog weathered everyone in and overcasted everything.

when i say dense, i mean dense. i was walking home around two hours ago and i couldn't see a thing within 5 meters. i could see shadows not too far, and i could tell what surrounds me, but i wasn't sure. i am familiar with the path i was taking, and if it wasn't because of that, i am probably still wandering on the street, slightly bored and severely confused thinking how on earth am i going to find my way home.

the leaves were covering the ground, too. the pavement that goes beside the road was full of brown leaves i couldn't see it clearly enough. i felt as if i was walking on floating leaves. and there was the fog. i couldn't see nothing but obscure shadows and dim lights from distant. it was almost surreal.

everything was illuminated.

the weather was foggy today, and so was my mind. everything was illuminated, and so was my mind.

and so is my mind.

i become sceptical. i don't feel my feelings. i can't comprehend things clearly. i know what i'm doing and at the same time i don't know. i don't trust my intuition. i do what i do and there's nothing to it.

i need a torch light. not really. i just need a better vision. to look forward, and walk straight ahead. step my feet onto the ground, and not floating on dead leaves. i need heavier shoes.

the weather was foggy, my mind was foggy, and i had to make sure that i chose the right path.

i'm not sure about things. i hate someone who turns out to be genuinely kind to me and later realized that i'm the one who's supposed to be hated. i have many works to do and an exciting schedule waiting but i don't feel overwhelmed nor excited.

when i walked home, a leave fell and i thought it was a flat rock falling in a slow-motion. the fog was so dense that's how my delusion worked at the moment. in real life, a car could crash on the interception near my house and i would pass by it and keep waiting for the bus to come.

when it's foggy outside, i put extra clothes on and walk slowly through the mist. when it's foggy inside, i need help. i don't want to be hazy all the time.

i want my life.

indecent exposure

this might be a little alert for all of us, that even in the safest place on earth (or so i thought—definitely not anymore now) you can't just leaning on your rocker with a cup of coffee and forget about everything. you have to be cautious. because people are people, no matter where they are.

people are people. pervs are pervs.

what bother me most is the fact that this incident happened to one of my closest friends in here. fyi, she's not your typical too-dumb-to-be-true asian girl which you can find almost everywhere in this town. she has that sophisticated don't-fool-around-with-me-or-i'll-kick-your-butt look and style (and personality) which make her as your perfect partner to have a serious conversation with. apparently those aren't enough for some dick to stop being a jerk. so let's call her Liv, to protect her confidentiality. and let's call the dick Dick. for obvious reason.

Liv was walking to the campus on her own as usual one afternoon when a guy—Dick—in a white car approached her from the street side and ask for a help. Dick was said to be white, twentysomething-ish, hairy, tanned, and wearing an unbuttoned shirt. being kind as she is, Liv walked closer to the car trying to find out what do the guy need. and there it was. she finally saw it. the guy was exposing himself. no, he's not just exposing himself, the guy was jerking off with his cock out and pants down in the car.

before Liv could even comprehend what she's looking at, Dick laughed and said, "yeah, i kinda need some help" with the snobby i'm-so-hot-check-me-out kind of attitude.

"what the—"

"go suck my dick, bitch!"

"F*CK OFF!!!" Liv, of course, finally came to her sense, said that last line with dignity and a you're-a-pathetic-pervert-go-back to-the-shit-hole-where-you-belong look, and walked away. the guy laughed even harder and drove away immediately.

sadly, that's not the end of the story. later when she reported the incident to the campus security, she found out that that same guy had been doing the same sort of harassment around a nearby high school in the morning. and even worse, she's not the only one who have reported the case that day. just for the record, all victims are asian by race.

on one side, i cannot be grateful enough that as a guy i don't really have to worry much about being harassed. but on the other hand, it's really disturbing knowing that Liv was one of the victims. yes, victim, because even though he didn't touch her at all, he has succesfully affected her emotionally. that, and as well as knowing that he's not only been chasing highschoolers too, but also particularly asian females. because asians are dumb. easy to played fool with. piece-of-cake catch.

it's a good thing Liv's english is as good as a native, and she had the gut to defend herself with a nice finishing line. but most asians here are ESL students who sometimes need five minutes just to say "my name is..." and reply with "ya ya ya ya" everytime someone asks them something. let alone having the gut to shout the f-word outloud. and who could blame them? the whole incident is really intimidating even for, say, a guy, although for sure a guy would reply that kind of attitude with a fist.

as for Dick: go f*ck yourself and rot in hell.