things to be missed #74



i went home today with a million things in my head and an exhausted body ready to get thrown to the bed and not care about anything else. i was just so sick of everything i got to the point when i don't even want to think about what i have to do tonight and tomorrow. after finished loading up my groceries in the kitchen i was going to take a shower, when my roommate, who's moving back to japan in two weeks, caught me walking down the hall, running furiously and threw me a big, fat, hug, so hard and comforting it almost got me crying.

—i wanna hug you forever, she said. —from now on, i will hug you as long as i can, everytime i see you, she confirmed.

and i wouldn't let her release our embrace for the longest time.

a new beginning



i remember when i applied for the position, still naive and had no idea what i was going to get myself into. i also remember when i was appointed as a proxy for three weeks, even before my official term started—i was thrown into the situation with very little preparation.

around two weeks ago when my term officially started, i was surprisingly calm and ready. i was excited for sure, but not scared nor nervous. my predecessor could only shook his head when i told him i felt pretty confident at the time. yes, there were a lot of things to be done, and not everyone seemed to be on the same page. but i've learned not to worry about getting everything right the first time. —i will grow, i reassured myself. and so i started fresh, putting all the puzzle pieces together, emails, reminders, and meetings everyday, with no time restriction. —i have good people, i told myself. —you don't have to worry too much. i ony had three things in my head: focus, purpose, goals. i did nothing but concentrating on those three.

last tuesday we had the meeting with the board. went really well. sure, things could've been better and i could've done some stuff that i didn't think about at the moment. but overall the presentation was smooth and the feedback was very positive. —it's just a matter of putting them into action, the chair concluded, followed by everyone smiled the victory smile to each other.

post-meeting? i have been slacking. —i deserve a time for myself, i justified it. there has been a lot of overcommiting issues, and i was making sure i'm not gonna be the next victim.

the truth is, i am much less confident now than i was two weeks ago. the truth is, i am beginning to worry about things that are not even happening. —it's normal, my predecessor told me when i complained about my mixed feelings, you are always gonna be in a constant state of worrying, because at the end it is your baby. i did not argue, believing that this is just a phase that i need to go through and it will pass one day. but i look around and i was beginning to see people on the verge of getting burnt out, and the last person that they want to see got burnt out too would be me. yes, it's hard to keep the spirit up but you gotta do what you gotta do. and i dutifully keep the ball rolling, try to enthuse everyone up. come on, this is just the beginning, we have a long street ahead of us.

yesterday two of my great friends—one of them is my predecessor—got the news that they got the job that they wanted. one in brazil, another in singapore. i was beyond excited, but at the same time, couldn't help but thinking, —what am i gonna do next?

this morning



second week of march and this is what i got when i look outside of my window. hail, rain, snow, and sunshine all in one day.

gotta love it when you can blame everything on global warming. hah.