food of thoughts

my stomach started to make funny noises, craving for food. i'd been in my room for quite a time, so i got up from my desk and went to the kitchen. the chill breeze touched my skin as i left my fully-heated room. i guess my landlord had forgotten to close the window on his room again, before he went out. i walked to the refrigerator trying to find some food to eat without having to cook anything. i opened it and looked at all the choices available, before i picked up the big blueberry-yoghurt bowl, grabbed a teaspoon and ate it as if it's the only thing in the world left.

my life has been changing considerably, i thought. i was a completely different person two years ago. i consider myself as lucky, for of all the infinite possibilities, i've succeeded opting this path and having my possessions. not everyone could experience what i have and will gone through, just as i don't have the options to pursue the other's. but yet i often let my ego drifts up to the surface, speaking on behalf of my heart-voice, which of course, would say another thing. and this dimwitted person inside of me would hear it and act ungrateful of everything.

the yoghurt tasted great.

but i know better over the past times, and remembering my past would always bring giggles snorted out. just as i thought that, i knew one thing too: i would also laugh at this thought, perhaps two or three years from now. life's always changing. who knows what my future would be?

i already ate half of the bowl, and i wanted something else. i put the yoghurt back into the fridge and decided to get some toasts. i still have the salmon-flavoured cheese-spread, so i grabbed two slices of bread before i put them in the toaster and smeared the cheese on top of them.

well, ok, so i do have plans for my future. but whatever that would come, one cannot predict, right? and that is exactly what i wanted, so i would live my life without worrying about what a seer said when she was doing divination (or something like that). i know that i have my own plans, and i will reach them with god's blessing.

there are still some space in my stomach, i thought, so i opened the fridge again searching for something else. i picked up a chicken sausage and put it on a plate. i grabbed a hot dog bun that i still had, placed the sausage in the middle of the bun, had pickles, ketchup, chilli sauce and mustard for the toppings. i heated them in the microwave before i savoured it.

except that i wasn't really sure what my plans really are. and i wasn't sure whether i've been true with myself either. i don't really have a specific ambition, just as i don't know if what i've thought as my dream, really is, after all, my dream. to use the alchemist's term, i haven't exactly sure of what my personal legend is. and then comes the questions, do i have the persistence and courage to realize it? do i have the intuition to pursue it? i was afraid i might chickened out before my very own eyes. people do have this tendency, and as ordinary as one could be, it couldn't miss me.

i'd ate a quarter of the hot dog when i felt thirsty and had some orange juice, before i continue eating. pampering my appetite.

so far i've always live my life in the present. i never actually had an in-depth review of my past. as i've said, i just giggle at it. the same case happened with the thought of my future. it was then, when i comprehend that i should see more of the outside world. i'd spent too much time in my room, and i should let my soul wander around a bit more. or at least, what i thought that i need to do. i should live my life to the fullest.

i'm full.