Wednesday, January 07, 2004
the mind of the alienated
i was drowning. i was dreaming about reaching the water's surface, where if i could, i could make all the fishes deep down below me jealous, as they will never experience the freedom of fresh air, as they will always trapped inside the sea, waiting to the end of their lifes, waiting for their destiny. they knew, their lifes were already in the line, nothing of whatever they do will ever change it.
i was drowning. i was dreaming about reaching the water's surface, where if i could, i could be saved by a fisherman's boat. i could sense the boat was floating, the fisherman was there with his only son, trying to catch more fishes but there were none. they were nowhere near the boat and the fisherman was beginning to worry what his wife would say, for him to go home almost empty-handed again. he was beginning to worry, but he knew there was hope. a hope for a better living. a hope for a better future.
i was drowning. i was dreaming about reaching the water's surface, where if i could, i could swim to one of the beaches miles away. i could sense the beach was lush, white sands and coconut trees, wind breeze and the smell of sea. i could feel it, a little child walking alone on the water edge, trying to find some seashells, just like what his mother had promised, there will be many of them along the beach. but there were none. all he could find was some leaves, small rocks and pieces of wood. where are the seashells, mother? where are the pretty seashells you have promised me? he began to cry, and weep. if he had learned one lesson, he had learned about life. it was not going to be as what he had expected.
i was drowning. i was dreaming about reaching the water's surface, where if i could, i could be in the land, a land with mountains and rivers and forests. i could feel it, i could be next to a man running across the forest, where in his mind he could escape from the real world, the world he thought he was failing. he was running. he was running stretched-arms, between the tree branches and the peeking chipmunks, dry leaves at the ground and parasites on the tree trunks. he was screaming, trying to find a relief, trying to push away all the anger, hurts, envies, grudges, regrets and dissapointments in his heart, and just sucked the air he was breathing loosely. could he stop the moment and feel like this forever? could he erase his past and start a new page? could he, afterall, live on? he wished he could answer all these questions with a single yes, but he knew, it would not be that easy.
will i ever be survive?
i was drowning. i was dreaming about reaching the water's surface, where if i could, i could make all the fishes deep down below me jealous, as they will never experience the freedom of fresh air, as they will always trapped inside the sea, waiting to the end of their lifes, waiting for their destiny. they knew, their lifes were already in the line, nothing of whatever they do will ever change it.
i was drowning. i was dreaming about reaching the water's surface, where if i could, i could be saved by a fisherman's boat. i could sense the boat was floating, the fisherman was there with his only son, trying to catch more fishes but there were none. they were nowhere near the boat and the fisherman was beginning to worry what his wife would say, for him to go home almost empty-handed again. he was beginning to worry, but he knew there was hope. a hope for a better living. a hope for a better future.
i was drowning. i was dreaming about reaching the water's surface, where if i could, i could swim to one of the beaches miles away. i could sense the beach was lush, white sands and coconut trees, wind breeze and the smell of sea. i could feel it, a little child walking alone on the water edge, trying to find some seashells, just like what his mother had promised, there will be many of them along the beach. but there were none. all he could find was some leaves, small rocks and pieces of wood. where are the seashells, mother? where are the pretty seashells you have promised me? he began to cry, and weep. if he had learned one lesson, he had learned about life. it was not going to be as what he had expected.
i was drowning. i was dreaming about reaching the water's surface, where if i could, i could be in the land, a land with mountains and rivers and forests. i could feel it, i could be next to a man running across the forest, where in his mind he could escape from the real world, the world he thought he was failing. he was running. he was running stretched-arms, between the tree branches and the peeking chipmunks, dry leaves at the ground and parasites on the tree trunks. he was screaming, trying to find a relief, trying to push away all the anger, hurts, envies, grudges, regrets and dissapointments in his heart, and just sucked the air he was breathing loosely. could he stop the moment and feel like this forever? could he erase his past and start a new page? could he, afterall, live on? he wished he could answer all these questions with a single yes, but he knew, it would not be that easy.
will i ever be survive?
